Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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