Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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