I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel great
I just peed on a car
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
