he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize