it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
