at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
