last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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