Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
