omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
