this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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