I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
that's an acceptable place to lick
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
