Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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