i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
