It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Alive.
So much puke
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize