Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
