Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
