We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
