my phone needs a breathalizer
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
