My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
