i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
