at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Found your dick twin last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
