there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize