i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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