1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
