I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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