he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
