Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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