Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
