I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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