FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
