Will you blow on my dice?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How's work?
Spinning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
These tits shall not be calmed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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