i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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