D3 body, D1 cock
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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