Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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