I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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