I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
me + whiskey = a bad person
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
