just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
