you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
