4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My dick has a subreddit
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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