Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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