how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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