Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
