You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
