Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
