i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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