I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
