lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize