so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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