Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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