apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
