do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
