dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
