She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
