The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
