Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
