As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize