My first STD was from a foam party
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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