I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
