my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
