I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Couch. On fire.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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