If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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