I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
