you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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